


The Pageant

by oudkee



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 12:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21161414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oudkee/pseuds/oudkee
Summary: tom and his inflated ego decide to hold a popularity contest on voyager. takes place a bit before s5e01 "night"





	The Pageant

Neelix seemed unusually happy today as he prepared the daily lunch for the crew of Voyager. Not much of the crew seemed to notice as they served themself their meals, but as Tom Paris and Harry Kim entered, they could immediately tell that their Talaxian friend was a bit more chipper than usual. There was more of a bounce in his step, and a bright look on his face as opposed to his usual, slightly less energetic self.

"So, Neelix, are the fumes of your cooking finally getting to your head, or did you finally win a game of pool on the holodeck?" Paris asked, an edge of his typical sarcasm in his voice.

"What makes you ask?" the Talaxian replied, nearly grinning ear to ear as his face flushed.

"Oh, nothing, you just seem to be all sunshine and rainbows today."

"Well... I did receive a certain letter this morning." Neelix beamed, though he did try to hide his enthusiasm.

This seemed to pique Paris's interest, and a confused expression crossed Kim's face.

"What kind of letter?" they asked in unison.

Neelix turned back around to his cooking. "Oh, nothing to worry about. Just some letter from an... admirer."

Kim frowned at this. "I got a letter like that last week," he grumbled. "It was signed 'Ensign Kallas' so I assumed it was from Silja Kallas, but it ended up being a prank from her twin brother."

Paris chimed in. "You don't suppose it's a prank, do you, Neelix?"

Neelix looked thoughtful at this, if just for a moment. "Could be. But, I'm an optimist. The letter could be real. And if it is... I'm flattered there's someone on this ship that thinks I'm attractive."

Paris scoffed at this, unable to believe that _anyone_ could be attracted to Neelix. He wasn't terrible looking, but out of all the men on the ship, why Neelix and not one of the... persons more endowed with conventional good looks and charm? The wheels in his head began to spin.

* * *

It had been an uneventful month on Voyager, with next to nothing on long-range sensors and very little to do but stand around and wait for the next shift to come in. Captain Janeway had often been staying in her ready room to read or listen to music, leaving the bridge to Chakotay - to whom she lent her books as soon as she'd finished reading them. Kim kept watch over the bridge during the overnight shift, but wasn't as much of a reader as his superiors, so typically napped throughout his shift until Janeway came back on the next morning.

One afternoon, Paris whirled around in his chair and stood up to go talk to Janeway in her ready room. He'd had an idea of how to pass the time, though it wasn't exactly going to accomplish anything but soothing his ego. He rang the chime to enter her ready room.

"Come in."

"I hope I'm not distracting you from your work," Paris joked dryly. "But I had a fun idea for a friendly... 'competition' we could have here on Voyager."

"Oh?" Janeway looked up from her cup of coffee and her PADD. "Please, entertain me."

"What if we had a ship-wide competition where everyone voted on who they thought was most attractive? A sort of... popularity pageant, without the stage competition so no one would feel all... put on the spot."

"I think it could be fun, but the last thing I'd want is for anyone to have their feelings hurt." Janeway said, looking up at Paris with those knowing eyes.

"No one will be obligated to participate! This is all completely just for fun, we're a small crew so it doesn't really mean anything."

The Captain looked thoughtful at this, taking another sip from her coffee as she looked at the stars outside the windows. "I suppose it might be fun to see what the results are." She admitted, a smile beginning to show on her face.

"Thank you, Captain!" Paris rushed off, eager to put the competition together.

* * *

After his shift was over, Paris meticulously set up the rules - everyone on the crew was allowed to vote for up to three other crew members. If two people were tied, they would stand as a tie, but a tie of three or more would need to be broken by an extra vote given to a crew member at random. Anyone wishing to be withdrawn from the game was requested to speak to him or Janeway, but no one had asked to be left out. And so, the three-day voting period began.

All votes were confidential, but the stats themselves were public record for anyone who wanted to peek and therefore were much discussed amongst the crew. Paris was walking down the hall to get to his shift in Sick Bay, when his girlfriend, B'Elanna Torres caught up with him, trying to hide the smirk on her face.

"Seems like you're pretty low on the list so far, Tom. Is this the result you expected when you thought up this idiotic game?"

Paris seemed a bit annoyed, but laughed it off. "Just you wait, B'Elanna. It's only the first day of voting. Forty-fourth place out of seventy can go either way as soon as more crew members get voted on and added to the tally."

The engineer shot him a knowing side glance. "And so then you'll be forty-four out of a hundred and forty?"

"Look, just because you're number seventeen doesn't mean I can't possibly surpass you!"

She seemed taken aback by that, her smirk falling from her face as she stopped in her tracks. "...What? Seventeen? You can't possibly be serious."

"You mean you haven't even looked up your name on the roster?" he asked over his shoulder, as the doors to Sick Bay closed behind him.

* * *

"I must say, Mr. Paris, I'm excited about this competition. I'm still trying to decide on who to vote for."

"Uh-huh," agreed Paris, not really listening. 

"I'm also incredibly curious as to whether anyone will actually vote for me or not." The Doctor grinned to himself as he typed information into the panel he was standing over. "Can you imagine? People actually voting me as being attractive? Just thinking about it makes me feel excited!"

Paris thought to himself. He had just taken all the participant names from an officially listed crew manifest. The Emergency Medical Hologram wasn't on that list.

"Uh, yeah Doc, that'll be the day."

The Doctor smirked at Paris, giving him almost the same look Torres had given him just an hour earlier. "Do I detect a hint of jealously from you, Mr. Paris? I just accessed the statistics a moment ago. Fifty-eighth place out of seventy-two must be a blow to your ego."

"What? No way..." Paris scrambled over to look at the results for himself. "...Fifty-_ninth_ place? Come on..."

The Doctor chuckled to himself. "Maybe this should give you a bit of insight into how others see you and your personality."

Paris smiled, trying to pretend he wasn't feeling hurt. "There's still two days of voting left! If no one's voted for you... yet... then surely I'll get more votes."

The Doctor chuckled to himself. "You may have the hair, but I've got a winning personality, superior singing ability, and dare I say a much better bedside manner." He looked Paris in the eyes. "Shall we make this... a more interesting competition between the two of us?"

"Heh, my ego against yours, Doc." Paris smirked, regaining some confidence. "Five hours of my extra holodeck time if you place higher on the list. If I win, I get five hours from you. Deal?"

"You've got yourself a deal, Mr. Paris." The Doctor offered his hand and Paris shook it. Paris knew this would be an easy victory, he just had to remember to actually add the Doctor to the rankings later...

* * *

As voting wrapped up, the whole crew was encouraged to meet up in the Mess Hall to find out the final results. Even thought votes were public, some wished to keep it a surprise for the final day. Captain Janeway was given the honours of announcing the top ten most attractive crew members, and the rest of the list with large ties broken where need be, was made available on public ship's records.

"Before we release the final list and I announce the top ten, I wish to remind everyone - this is just a game! This is a small crew and is not reflective of anything. We are only doing this for fun." Janeway announced. "Now, without further ado - the list, please, Chakotay."

Chakotay handed her a PADD with the list of the top ten and how many votes they received. A hush fell over the room as everyone waited with baited breath to see if they made the top ten. Janeway cleared her throat, and began to read.

"Number Ten..."

Paris gulped and looked around the Mess Hall, trying not to look at Janeway in the hopes that he'd be surprised hearing his name being somewhere in the top ten. He hadn't looked at the places since the first day, maybe tons of people had voted for him...

Janeway continued and he had yet to hear his name. He knew for a fact he definitely wouldn't have gotten into the top two! He had made his way to the back of the crowd, suddenly not feeling hungry for any of the refreshments Neelix had put out for the occasion. He decided it rude as a senior officer to walk out while the Captain was still talking, so lingered around until she finished.

"Number Two - Seven Of Nine with sixty-four votes." Janeway looked up and across the room at her friend, who had not participated in the voting and was only there upon social recommendation of The Doctor. Seven seemed confused, looking around as people clapped and whistled for her.

Janeway smiled, laughing. You should be flattered, Seven. The average amount of votes per person was ten."

"Thank you, Captain." Seven seemed to blush.

"And now, Number One - was a tie of seventy-three votes between... Commander Tuvok!" The room erupted with applause for the Vulcan man, Neelix giving him a big hug. Even Paris had to smile for him, since Tuvok himself wouldn't show emotions for something as illogical as this.

"What do you have to say for youself, Tuvok?"

"...Aspects of 'Vulcan Love Slave' were severely exaggerated."

"Tuvok, you've read 'Vulcan Love Slave'?"

Janeway had to laugh, then turning her attention back to the PADD, she got quiet, now blushing even more than Seven had. "And... me...?"

The cheering from the crowd got even louder. Janeway's face turned redder from all the attention, eventually bashfully asking the crew to bring the applause down a notch. 

"I'm very flattered to have received this many votes from all of you. Now, if you wish to read the results for yourself, they are available in the ship's database."

Paris cringed inside. He hadn't looked at where he was on the list since the first day. He figured either Torres or Kim would tell him anyway, just to rub it in. He left the excitement and laughter of the Mess Hall and headed for the turbolift, eager for this to be over and to crawl into bed. Kim and Torres had seen him leave, and went out to catch up with him. 

"Hey, Tom! Where are you going?"

"To bed. Why?"

Torres and Kim stepped onto the turbolift as the doors closed.

"Now Tom," Torres said. "you can't seriously be upset over your place on the list."

"What place? I haven't even seen it."

"You mean you _haven't even looked up your name on the roster_?" she scoffed, mocking him for the other day. "One-hundred third place, by the way."

"You're joking!"

"I'm serious."

Paris scoffed, unable to believe he had really gotten that few votes. "Please at least tell me _you_ voted for me, B'Elanna."

"Of course I did! Sorry it wasn't enough to get you in the top ten."

"You're being stupid, Tom. Come off it." Kim chimed in.

"Oh yeah? What place were you in?"

"Eighty-six."

"At least you made top hundred! Oh, man, I'm never going to live this down." He huffed and turned his back to his friends. "This was a terrible idea. I don't even want to show my face around Voyager until this blows over."

"Why are you taking this so hard, Tom? This was _your_ idea." Kim pointed out. "Because of all the cabin fever, your ego needed some soothing, and that's why you came up with this stupid game."

Paris huffed, not wanting to admit Kim was entirely right. 

"Just... let me be alone for a while." The turbolift stopped and he stepped off, leaving Kim and Torres standing there, giving each other a knowing look.

* * *


End file.
